While flipping though a bunch of old Boy’s Life magazines recently I came across a couple Toys ‘R’ Us circulars that had some interesting stuff. In the 80s toy companies had a leeway with products that you just won’t ever see again.
In particular there was a full-page ad for an awesome 1989 TRU exclusive Back to the Future II battery-powered DeLorean…
Much in the same vein as the Return of the Jedi jungle gym that I talked about last April, this child-sized motorized DeLorean is pretty damn cool and another example of one of my childhood fantasies come to life. I never had the opportunity to own or even ride one of the plethora of Power Wheels toys cars and trucks that were so huge in the 80s, but you can bet I dreamed of having my own DeLorean so that I could tool around the neighborhood before jacking it up to 88pmh and blasting into the future (most likely to see if the Transformers really did have an Autobot base on Earth in 2005.) It’s weird, I keep stumbling across these awesome relics of the past that I never knew existed, and always wished were available. What’s next? Were there child-sized motorized AT-ATs? Was there an Airwolf themed swing set with ride-able helicopter seats?
Seriously though, how cool is that advertising artwork?!? I love the exaggerated flames coming out from behind that little Power Wheels car. It’s almost as if it has rocket powered thrust or something. Also, that kid’s shades are the best. They remind me of the Pizza Hut Back to the Future II promotion in ’89 that featured cheap plastic sunglasses in all sorts of wacky shapes…
Next up is a 1988 ad for Galoob’s Army GEAR dual action toys…
Army GEAR was Galoob’s attempt at bridging the gap between their Micro Machines and Hasbro’s G.I. Joe and Transformers toys. The idea is actually kind of cool where on the one hand you’ve made some serviceable toy army weapons, but the fact hat they transform into battle stations with all sorts of little soldiers and vehicles inside is just genius. Some of the sets were kind of ludicrous though, in particular a machete, which is just a weird item to be molded into a child’s toy. Maybe Galoob teamed up with the Army after hearing about how video games where increasing soldier’s eye-hand coordination and making them better helicopter and jet pilots. This was possibly their secret way of getting kids used to field-stripping M-16s and .45 caliber pistols…
The craziest item in the circulars was the most insane “board game” ever, Milton Bradley’s Tuba Ruba…
Tuba Ruba was Milton Bradley’s second attempt at selling sex in a box (22 years after introducing the slightly controversial Twister in 1966.) This time around, not content with just introducing adults and children to the wonders of inappropriate touching in strange positions, MB upped the ante by adding bondage to the mix. The idea is pretty simple, wrap the Tuba Ruba tubes around your (and an opponents) body and insert a ball at the top end. Then you just wiggle and shake until the ball drops out the bottom. I’m sure this became standard issue party equipment in 7-Minutes-in-Heaven closets all over the country.
If nothing else, I can say that toys have never been as exciting as they were in the 80s…
